Grief and Bereavement: Understanding Loss and When to Seek Help

This article is general information published by the practice of Dr. Sholeh Toobaei, Specialist Psychiatrist, Dubai. It has not yet been individually reviewed by a clinician and is not a substitute for personal medical advice. Published: 1 September 2026.

Scope: This article is general information about grief and bereavement. It is not a diagnosis or treatment plan. If you are grieving and struggling, a professional assessment can help.

What grief is

Grief is the response to loss. It is not a disorder. It is not a mental illness. It is the natural, adaptive response of a human being to losing something or someone that mattered. It encompasses the full range of emotions — sadness, anger, guilt, relief, confusion, numbness, loneliness, yearning, emptiness. It affects the body — fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, physical chest pain, a sensation of "tightness" that people commonly describe as the physical weight of grief. It affects thinking — difficulty concentrating, preoccupation with the person who died, confusion about identity and purpose, disbelief.

Grief is not linear. There is no timeline. There is no "right" way to grieve. There is no point at which you "move on" or "get over it." Grief does not end — it changes. It integrates into your life. The pain becomes less sharp, but the connection to the person who died remains. That is not pathology. That is love continuing.

What grief is not

Grief is not depression. Grief and depression share symptoms — sadness, sleep disturbance, appetite changes, fatigue. But they are different. In grief, the dominant emotion is emptiness and loss. In depression, it is numbness and inability to feel pleasure. In grief, self-esteem is usually preserved. In depression, it is often eroded. In grief, moments of positive emotion — a memory that makes you smile, a shared joke — are possible and real. In major depression, anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) is pervasive. In grief, the pain comes from the loss of something that mattered. In depression, the pain is a pervasive sense of worthlessness or hopelessness.

Grief is not a disease to be cured. There is a dangerous trend in psychiatry to medicalise normal human experiences. Grief is not an illness. It is a process. The attempt to "treat" grief away with medication is not just ineffective — it is insulting to the fundamental human experience of love and loss. When grief becomes complicated or is complicated by a co-occurring mental health condition, that is different. But normal grief does not need treatment.

The stages model — and why it is misunderstood

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance — are the most famous model of grief. They are also the most misunderstood.

Kübler-Ross originally described these stages as responses to one's own impending death, not as stages people go through after losing someone else. Later, the model was adapted for bereavement. In popular culture, it became a prescriptive roadmap: "You should go through these five stages in order, and if you haven't reached acceptance, something is wrong."

None of that is true. The stages are not linear. People do not move through them in order. Many people never experience all of them. Some experience them in different orders. Some experience only some of them.

The stages are not requirements. They are observations — descriptions of common responses to loss. If you are bargaining with God right now, that is a normal part of grief. If you are angry at the world, that is normal. If you feel nothing, that is normal. None of these mean you are doing grief wrong because there is no "right" way.

What actually happens

The first days and weeks. Shock and numbness are common, even when the death was expected. The brain simply cannot process the scale of the change. You may find yourself expecting the person to walk through the door. You may reach for your phone to call them. You may look at their side of the bed. These are not signs of denial or pathology. They are the brain's attempt to integrate new information that contradicts years of established reality.

The first few months. This is often the hardest period. The initial shock has worn off, and the reality of the loss settles in. The absence is no longer abstract — it is in the details. The dinner plates, the routines, the habits, the empty chair. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries — these can be devastating. The first Christmas, the first birthday without them, the first time you hear a song they loved. There is no preparation for these moments.

The first year. One year is not a milestone of "being over it." But it is a milestone of experiencing the person's absence across the full cycle of calendar events for the first time. Every holiday, every birthday, every ordinary Tuesday has been new pain for the first time. Surviving the first year does not mean the grief is over. It means you have developed some capacity to carry it.

After the first year. Grief does not disappear. But it changes shape. Some days are easier. Some days — triggered by a smell, a place, a date, a song — the pain is as sharp as it was on day one. This does not mean you are not healing. It means the love is still there. And that is not a bad thing.

Different kinds of loss, different kinds of grief

The circumstances of death matter enormously.

Sudden death. When death is unexpected — an accident, a heart attack, a violent event — grief is compounded by shock, trauma, and often guilt ("I should have done something"). Sudden death often requires trauma-informed grief support in addition to standard bereavement support.

Suicide. Suicide leaves a specific and devastating form of grief — complicated by guilt, shame, anger, and questions that will never be answered. Survivor guilt is nearly universal. The questions ("Why?" "What could I have done?" "Was it something I said?") are normal. The absence of answers is part of the experience. Specialised support is often helpful.

Long-term illness. When a death follows a prolonged illness (cancer, dementia, etc.), the grief is often preceded by anticipatory grief — the mourning that begins before the person dies. This does not make the actual grief less. It may make it different, but not less. Caregiver burnout before the death can also complicate the grief response.

Loss of a child. The loss of a child is described by virtually everyone who experiences it as the most devastating event in their life. No parent should have to bury their child. The grief is profound, and there is no "getting over it." Support groups for bereaved parents are among the most powerful forms of support available.

Pregnancy and infant loss. Miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death carry profound grief that is often minimised by others. The grief is real regardless of how long the pregnancy lasted. Specialised support is important.

Multiple losses. In Dubai's expatriate context, families sometimes experience multiple losses in a short period — perhaps a death in the home country while managing life abroad, or multiple deaths within a close-knit community. Accumulated grief is overwhelming and requires specific support.

The cultural context in Dubai

In many cultures represented in Dubai, grief and mourning have specific rituals and expectations — periods of formal mourning, religious ceremonies, community support structures, specific expressions of grief. These cultural and religious practices can be an important source of comfort and support. But they can also create pressure to grieve in a "correct" way, which can be painful for people who grieve differently.

Expatriates face a specific challenge: in your home country, you have a community that understands your cultural rituals. In Dubai, you may be surrounded by people who do not share your customs. This cultural isolation can make grief harder. Finding community — whether through religious institutions, cultural associations, or bereavement support groups — can be one of the most important things you can do.

When grief becomes complicated

Sometimes grief becomes stuck, distorted, or dangerously intense. This is called complicated grief (also called prolonged grief disorder), and it is a recognised clinical condition.

Signs of complicated grief:

Complicated grief is treatable. Complicated grief therapy (CGT) — a specialised form of therapy designed specifically for prolonged grief — has strong evidence for effectiveness. It is different from standard bereavement counselling and different from depression treatment. It addresses the specific mechanisms that keep grief stuck.

Self-harm during bereavement

In rare cases, bereaved people develop thoughts of self-harm or suicide. This may occur if:

If you are grieving and having thoughts of self-harm, seek professional help immediately. Grief is not a valid reason to keep yourself alive — your life matters regardless of your circumstances. But professional support can help you carry the weight of the loss in ways that do not involve self-harm.

What helps

Time. Not as a cure, but as a process that allows adaptation. Your brain needs time to create a new reality in which the person is absent. This is not moving on. It is learning to live with loss.

Support. From family, friends, community, religious institutions, or professional counsellors. You do not need to be alone in this.

Routine. Maintaining basic routines — eating, sleeping, working, exercising — is not a sign that you are "fine." It is one of the most practical things that supports adaptation. Grief happens in the body, and the body needs basic care.

Professional support. If your grief is complicated, if you are struggling to function, if you are using substances to cope, if you are having thoughts of self-harm — seek professional help. There is no shame in needing support for grief. Even the most resilient people need help carrying devastating losses.

When should I seek help?

If your grief is affecting your ability to function — to work, to care for yourself, to maintain relationships — seek professional support. You do not need to be in crisis. You do not need to have thoughts of self-harm. If you are struggling to carry the weight of your loss, that is enough.

Seek urgent help — call 999 (police) or 998 (ambulance) in the UAE, or go to the nearest emergency department — if you are having thoughts of self-harm, if you are in severe emotional distress, or if you are in any way a danger to yourself. For non-urgent enquiries, use the appointment request form on this website. This practice does not operate a monitored telephone line, and a message sent through the form may not be read straight away.

Related reading

Articles Assistant

Answers from the practice articles only
Hello. I can answer questions based on the articles published on this website. What would you like to know?